Q: “My partner and I have been 100% monogamous for the last 13 years…but in the last few months he disclosed to me that he has fantasized about me having sex with other people. What is the best way to handle this?”
A: Ian Kerner, PhD, Sex therapist & author of, “Passionista” says sexual fantasy is a healthy, safe way of creating novelty and excitement within a relationship. He suggests that you try to be nonjudgmental and receptive as you listen to your partner’s fantasy, especially if YOU are playing a starring role in it. And, don’t worry! Dr. Kerner says that acting out a fantasy is often nowhere near as exciting as imagining it.
Q: “Is feminist porn good porn?”
A: It can be. Emily Nagoski, a Smith College PhD. and author of, “Come As You Are” says feminist porn often features storylines in which women are empowered and normal women are in more realistic sexual encounters. But be aware. Pornography is still fantasy and most of it is still made by dudes. If you want to learn about what the ubiquity of pornography is doing to our daughters, check out this podcast with journalist & author Peggy Orenstein.
Q: Is most erotica like “50 Shades of Grey”?
A: Most definitely not. Erotica writer & sexologist Carol Queen says “50 Shades”—its bestseller status notwithstanding–bears little resemblance to good erotica. Queen suggests starting with the original breakout erotic novel, “The Story of O” and then moving on to Susie Bright’s erotica series. Queen is the author of “Five Minute Erotica.”